Happy November! Yes, it’s here. Already. The end of the year fast approaching. For most of us, the next few weeks mean spending time with friends and family.

Well-meaning, demanding, loving, judgmental, funny, selfish, caring friends and family. Yippee!

I’m just joking. But only a little bit. The truth is that most of us are going to be overwhelmed as we spend time with people we love and those we just tolerate.

Emotions will run high and the truth of the matter is that your energy may run a little low. It’s just the nature of that thing we call the “holidays.” As festive as we want them to be, they can also be exhausting. And most of us come to expect it a little bit of both.

It’s times like this that you need to rely on the most important person in your life. You need to spend quiet time taking care of your most important relationship. You need to watch how you talk and support and encourage.

You know the relationship I’m talking about—the one you have with yourself.

That’s right. The most important relationship of your life is the one you have with yourself.

I see you rolling your eyes. I hear you whispering “yeah, right,” under your breath. I know there’s a small part of you that wants to argue with me.

You might not have ever thought about the relationship you have with you. You might not think about how you talk to yourself, about yourself, with yourself. But you need to and there’s no time like the present to start.

Before we’re old enough to know what’s happening in our lives, we’re taught to look to others for our value. We’re told to “be a good girl” and “make good grades.”

We’re encouraged to “follow the golden rule.”

We know that winners always win and losers are, well, losers. And who wants to live with that title?

None of this is done with ill-intent, by the way. We’re socialized by generations of people who’ve learned to please their spouses, mothers, fathers, bosses, religious leaders, doctors, you name it. They learned it well and taught it to us even better.

But getting your worth externally makes it almost impossible to develop your self-worth.

Here’s the thing. In case you haven’t noticed, people come and go in your life. You’ll move to a new city, get a new job, start a new hobby, graduate, get married, get divorced. Life’s an ever-changing carousel of people we love. The only constant relationship you have, the only one that’ll last every single day of your life, is the one you have with Y.O.U.

So, I want you to think about a few questions over the next week. We’re going to talk more in depth about some of these issues in the coming weeks. For now, gently ask yourself these questions and listen to your soul’s answers:

  • Would you describe your self-talk as positive or negative?
  • Do you have a self-care routine?
  • How would you describe yourself to others?
  • Do you spend time at the end of the day remembering what went right or what went wrong?
  • When you go to sleep, are you restful and peaceful or are you thinking about something you should’ve said in a meeting or to a friend?

If you’ve been too critical, too judgmental, too negative in your self-talk, we’re going to look at some reasons why. I’m going to give you some tips to turn that around. We’re also going to continue to relax, get centered, meditate and dream. Those are important steps to changing the harsh self-talk habits you may have developed over the years—a lifetime’s worth.

It’s also important for you to know that if you’re becoming aware that you need to improve your relationship with yourself, you’re not alone. In fact, most of the people I work with have to overcome some negative habits when it comes to their own self-worth.

For now, just be easy with yourself and spend some time observing how you talk to and about yourself. How does it make you feel? Do you like the person you are?

There’s no right or wrong answer; we’re just looking for the starting point.

If this resonates with you, or if you have specific questions about this issue, please comment below.