OH HELL, SOMEONE JUST PASS ME THE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES AND A BOTTLE OF VODKA! GOLLUM’S BACK IN THE HOUSE.

I’ve got to have it. I need it. No, rewrite that. I neeeeeeeeed it. You know, that clingy gooey energy that slithers into your belly. It’ll go AWOL every now and then—sometimes even for a long time—and then bam! Here’s Johnny! It’s back again in all it’s splendor.

Your very own personal resident Gollum. And oh, hell no, he’s driving the bus!

Suddenly you’re one ball of “I’ve gotta have it.”

Murky, sneaky, swampy “I’ve gotta have it NOW!” energy. 10,017 faces of it. I neeeeeeeed…

  • approval
  • adoration
  • love
  • money
  • recognition
  • fame
  • admiration
  • chocolate chip cookies and a huge bag of Doritos..

Oh geez, someone just pass me the Oxycodone and a bottle of vodka!

That “fix it right now”/“I’ve gotta have it” stuff is the domain par excellence of Gollum. Think obsession, clingy, passive, sneaky, stealthy, murky, muddy, swampy, emotional sh*t storm…

Suffice it to say, being in the hands of Gollum is summarily not a fun place to be and yet, it’s oh, so very very human. In fact let’s get a few things straight…

  • No, you will not outgrow your own personal Gollum. Ever.
  • No, if you ignore him and pretend he doesn’t exist, he will not stop coming by (in fact, it’ll be even easier for him to show up.)
  • Yes, everybody—and I mean EVERYbody—has a resident Gollum.
  • And “everybody”, just to be crystal clear, does include you and me—even though we most certainly are still unique snowflakes from a far away galaxy.
  • Gollum appearances are unpredictable.
  • They can feel shocking because Gollum can show up right in the middle of a beautiful meditation session! It’s sort of like sitting out by a lake on a beautiful sunny afternoon and in a flash the sky turns that greenish grey “I think there’s a tornado coming”.
  • There is no level of sainthood that you’ll achieve in this or any lifetime that will absolve you from Gollum visitations.

So, in short, what that means for you is that….

Sometime in the near future (maybe slightly further out in time if you’re lucky) your very own personal Gollum will be making an appearance—coming to a theater near you, hopefully for a limited engagement.

That doesn’t mean all hell has to break loose. It doesn’t mean that you need to feel like you’re life’s been highjacked by some creature from the dark lagoon.

Be prepared! Hmmmm… I do believe that’s someone’s motto. 😉 It’s a good one. I don’t mean obsessively worrying and thinking about the impending, inevitable Gollum visit. That would actually just shift you right into Gollum mode. But awareness and acceptance go a long way.

One of the ways that Gollum gets such a foothold is that we’re shocked it’s happening. We feel completely caught off guard. We believe, hook line and sinker, every bit of feeling that’s being transmitted through our emotional network; every thought that Gollum energy is thinking. We literally become needy, murky energy.

Having a plan is a game changer. It doesn’t mean Gollum won’t stop by. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel broadsided. It doesn’t mean it will feel comfortable. But it does mean you’ll keep one toe on the accelerator. It does mean you’ll move through it faster. It does mean that every time you move through it, consciously, those “how I handle Gollum moments” muscles will get stronger.

So, without further ado, here’s the 5 Step Gollum Survival Plan. Don’t leave home without it. 🙂 It’s what keeps me–and my clients–out of being card carrying permanent swamp residents.

The 5 step Gollum Survival Plan:

  1. Label it. Name it. See it for what it is. “Oh yeah, I know this energy. This is that Gollum stuff.”
  2. Don’t believe everything you think. Even though it may be a faint knowing, know that you’re not thinking straight when you’re in Gollum land. It’s like too many margeritas. You know you’re not quite right. Trust that knowing.
  3. Be exquisitely gentle with yourself. I can’t overstate this one enough. Gollum territory is summarily unsettling. It’s a power zapping, self bashing, needy ball of a mess. It’s not an easy place to be. We tend to react very strongly to ourselves when we’re in this place. We tend to find ourselves pretty disgusting. Notice your reaction and then gently ease yourself into a more soothing place. What would my energy be with a scared puppy in the middle of a thunder storm? That’s the energy you’re reaching for.
  4. DO something. Get up and move. This is the time for “this is just what I do.” This is the core of the Gollum Survival Plan. Have it preplanned. Know yourself. Know what’s best for you. For me, being in nature is imperative. Being by water is a bonus. Go for a walk; go for a run; dance; do jumping jacks; play the violin; sing a song; play with your dog; hit the ball against a backboard; Zumba; yoga; take a shower… Obviously the list of possibilities here is endless.
  5. Have a touchpoint. This can be a mantra; a phrase you repeat to yourself like “this too shall pass” or “I’ve been here before, I can handle this.”

So there you have it. What are your favorite things to do to get the energy moving again when you get stuck in one of those swampy places? I’d love to hear from you, so please leave me a comment.

2 comments on “OH HELL, SOMEONE JUST PASS ME THE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES AND A BOTTLE OF VODKA! GOLLUM’S BACK IN THE HOUSE.

  1. -

    I liked this. It’s a concrete way to deal with what I call “going down the tubes”. Sometimes, it feels like the negative energy multiplies itself and gains momentum. This is a good way of putting on the brakes. Thank you.

    • - Post author

      “Going down the tubes”? Yup. And it does pick up speed. And fast too. It’s kind of like a flash flood in a Utah canyon! What is it about that negative energy? LOL. Good luck with your new brakes Kathy. 🙂

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